The Nightcap

_To be honest, Albert would have liked to be one of those fellows who’s well-to-do with women. Sometimes he imagines himself in a group of friends (who are all also well-to-do with women) saying, “Colleen, ah, yes, she was rather easy, but a bit plump if I recall.” The men laugh and sip their pints and look around for fresh prey. They fancy themselves hunters of sorts.

Albert imagines himself having dinner with the pretty redhead from his office then taking her home with the suggestion of a night cap. They have unhurried marathon sex, and afterward Albert tells her she can’t stay over. “Sorry, it’s a rule I have,” he says as if he actually is sorry, adding, “I really like you; I don’t want things to escalate too quickly.” The woman takes this to mean he does, in fact, like her, and is confused when he never calls.

Albert imagines this confusion will lead to some awkwardness in the office and eventually some regret on his part, and even though this is far from reality, he tells himself he really should be more careful about the women he chooses.

He stops browsing the personals on Craigslist, electing to have another soda and watch some TV instead. What kind of woman would put herself out there on the internet anyway, he wonders?